This is my first post on my blog, and the first post will give you an impression of me, my eating disorder and what next. I hope I can inspire people to do the same and show people that it is possible.
When my eating disorder started, I’m not sure, but I intentionally it was in January 2016. But I have my suspicions that it started a few years earlier. I mean, I skipped meals, skipped toppings etc and I never was happy about my look.
I was hospitalized in April ’16 for two weeks because I did not eat and drink for over a week and I didn’t come out of bed. So I was brought with the ambulance to the hospital. They gave me tube feeding which was very awful. People who had a feeding tube before know what kind of hell that is. That thing gave me a sore throat, gave me the feeling that I had to puke and plaster had an itchy effect. So, no, that wasn’t good. But after two weeks I was fired from the hospital and went home. After this I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa.
The intention was that I could go to an ED clinic directly after my time at the hospital, but unfortunately they couldn’t have me there because I wasn’t ill enough. So they offered me outpatient care, for 1 hour a week, sometimes 2 hours. Instead of making me better, it made me worse and ended up in a crisis center because I was very suicidal. I’ve been there for two weeks but did it help me? Yes and no. I’ve learned to recognize my mood and when it’s going down, but it didn’t help with my eating disorder. The therapists (group leaders) were even encouraging me to throw up and look up a pro-ana site. Looking back on that, makes me wonder, how this could ever helped me.
After the two weeks I’ve been there for a 24 hour admission for 2 times.
Since September ’16 I’m having daycare for three days a week. And… to be honest, I’m proud and happy that I have made this decision because this feels like one of the best decisions in my life.
Here on my blog I will post about my recovery, and all the stuff around it. My English isn’t very well, but I hope I’ll learn it with the time.